Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A Rigged Game

Make no mistake about it, the game is rigged. Ladies, argue all you want, but you have got it set up so we can't win. Men get the shaft for not sharing their feelings, but when they manage it, they better not be the wrong ones. Because if they are, then we are mean heartless bastard lazy unappreciative wrong-headed badguy fill in the fucking blank.

I have a wife. I have an ex-wife. There is no doubt in the world that I traded up when I got this wife. No question. However, this still does not change the fact that the communication game between the genders is rigged. Case in point.
We were in bed one evening and got into an argument about something. Don't remember about what, it was most likely about something I did or didn't do, probably more or less a legit beef, nobody has to tell me I'm plenty flawed. I was, however, not entirely wrong. I believe ninety plus percent of issues between people have blame to lay on both sides; those who don't believe this aren't trying to solve problems they're trying to be right. So we're lying there, my wife castigating me for not talking to her, not telling her how I feel, and I have a logjam in my throat. Nothing will come out and it's because I just KNOW where it's going to go. It's going to go to the land of The Man Is Wrong again, and nothing I can say is really going to change it. But I'm trying, despite how hard this is I'm trying to share my feelings. The inherent futility is what is filling up my mind and this is what I manage to tell her. "I feel like I can't say anything," I say, "because I feel like whatever I say I'll be wrong." It may not be the issue for her but it is the issue for me, it is definitely what I am feeling. Does it open a dialogue? Does it create a space for us to share our divergent points of view. No. Of course not. After a long pause she flings the covers off and storms out of the room, leaving me lying alone to drift off to a troubled sleep feeling confused and angry.

Why the Hell would I want to share my feelings after an experience like this? Why would I not just tell her nothing is wrong when the wrong answer causes a worse reaction then no answer?

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